*+* ....life as I know it.... *+*

OMG! I'm soooo like blah. So today I had weird reaction to a bug bite. It wasn't a regular bug bite it was something out of the ordinary. My hand got very very red which is not really possible and it swelled up like a ballon. BALLON Y'ALL.

All in all, I have to get this grad school application out like tomorrow. It's quite irratating because I am waiting for these recommendations and people are not working with me. Also what pisses me off is all this freakin negativity. "OH Jessica you're not going, Stay, Stay." I don't want to stay down here in Florida, I DON'T LIKE FLORIDA. I don't care if you don't see me going somewhere, it's not for you to see anything... not.your.life. GET OVER IT!

I'm very like irritated about that. I have no one ever tell me negativity crappolla like that before in my life which comes out of NOWHERE!

Anyways, I am bored with work. I work too much. I need some other outlits. Too much drama, mama. TOO MUCH!

I'm out!

JessRS

i saw this and i thought it was really funny and i wanted to share....



and this was the actual video:




too funny!

Do you eat coleslaw? God Bless my Mom and all but she askes me that like every other fricking day. And I repeat myself time after time, "NO, I eat potatoe salad" and then she still manages to make... coleslaw. Oh crap, but what are you going to do. I love her but I think her and I are developing some sort of alzhetimer's and I don't mean it a facious (faticious.... facious, facious, sounds right) way but its like contagious because she forgets and then I do and it gets all confusing and shirt (as in shiz hehe).

So yeah I am totally obsessed with my IPOD now and podcasts. Don't mind me I am completely like 3 years or plus on things. I get into things when they are like fading out, or have been around for awhile mostly on high tech stuff, since I am dirt poor nowadays. But yeah, lovesss the IPOD, now what I really need is my iTrip for my car and get rid of all my CDS that are evvvvvvvvverywhere.

So that was off tangent, oh I had a point... and it was I am sooo obsessed with thelonelyisland, which is Andy Samberg stuff and I LOVES ME SOME SAMBERG! Hotness! He is fabu, comically fabu. Now who is like beautiful beyond belief is James McAvoy. OMG Alex and I saw Penelope the other day which was okay but McAvoy UNFREAKIN BELIEVABLE! I just love him and those eyes and that hair! And even though he had an "American" accent, he still sounded hot. Actually he kinda sounded like a Cary Grantish or old time movie dream boat dude, very dreeeeeeeeaaaaaaaamy.

So after reviewing my last blogs, they kinda sucked, and I kinda in a way a little bit sounded a little happy which is funny cuz I really wasn't and it dawned on me though after reading them, I REALLY HATE "WENDY"! Fuck it, I'll say it now. Who cares. What a frickin bitch! The whole thing was fucked up and a waste of time. And you know what I do feel like an idiot cuz I was nice to someone and was friends with them, and then they completely fucked me over, but not really so much but it did suck. Like she isn't the reason why I am traumatized but she is part of the reason why I am down in Florida. She was like the frickin icing on the cake. She is the last person I saw up in New York and I hate her.

Like I know what other people did to me was complete evil, and even though "Wendy" is a complete waste of air, she is not that big of an evil bitch she is just retarded and I don't blame her for that because she doesn't know better but I really do owe to her and other two faced bitches and such because I was given the opportunity to evolve and toughen up and really I am ready to kick someone's ass. I just really wish they were around because I would sooo totally show 'em the new JessRS :).

Whoa that was so a lot of anger. Anyways children the point of the story is that trust no one. And now with this all spued out, I can now state that I have some sort of closure on that whole Target/Wendy/Peter Pan/Tinkerbell/Pochantas (yeah you too two face :) ) issue.

Wow. It feels good to vent and now I am done and it all worked out better in a way.

Ok,

JessRS

It's been a long time, and I shouldn't have left you without a dope beat to step to, step to, step to a step to, step to, step to, a step to.
- Timbaland

So it's been like 3 years or something or a million since I've written on this thing. A lot has happened. A LOT. I moved and changed schools and hopefully I will be doing that again.

Onward West I say! So I think it might be real, not that it was ever fake, that I am going to California for grad school.

I am very excited. I love it out there. I always wanted to go. I have some reservations but who doesn't ya know, however mine a really petty and stupid ones. Like I am really terrified about driving out there. The Hills are real scary man. I am afraid I might roll on backwards and create this whole domino effect. Or like what happens if there is no like rails on those curvy highways out there too and I take a spill my friend. Not fun. Not fun at all.

And I am worried about more realistic things like you know being by myself and the cost of living blah blah blah. But i shall survive (oh hey hey).

Other than that everything is kinda chilled. School is there. I am soooo bored of it. I want to be done. It just dragggggggssssssssss. Work draggggss as well. I feel like I live there when I was sooo totally sick the 95% of last week and called in sick.

OMG Completely random, I'm watching Law and Order right now and I totally recognized one of guest starring actors on there. He was the dude who got strangled on stage at the play I saw in Berkely California with my cousin. RANDOM.

Anyways life is a draggggggg. Everything is just there for now. Blah.

But it good to be writing. Its very cathathic (can't spell). But it feels good to have an old fashiion vent.

Until next time.

PEACE

.Jess.

I don't think I want to get my degree in social work anymore. Its very upsetting. And what really sucks is that I'm almost done with it.

I'm just mad that I always get screwed over somewhere. I don't want to be people's doormats anymore.

Okay the point is that I like to have control over my own life. Come on now who doesn't. Unfortuanately some things I don't have contol of and thats fine thats temporaily and that is for good reason. But in this case this si just frickin uncalled for.... I WANT THIS TO STOP AND FOR HER TO STOP MESSING WITH MY LIFE!

And this is why I have a problem with Gemini's. The frickin turn on you in my second. Before you even blink. My life was just fine without her messing it up.... and now he hates me.

This is why I don't tell people anything... so mad, so mad... i want blood...

Reasons why I don't socialize....

I think it has the potential to be a waste of time
Somebody always wants to screw you over
When someone wants to screw you over you give them the pleasure of watching you screw your ownself over
Its not worth it
You are always better off in the end

Now to whom ever this may concern

Its not about liking anyone anymore, its about principle. The principle is and always was in the beginning is that you were my idea and then you became someone elses and I ended up being the loser. The principle is that I had ownership first and that should be accounted for. Now it just really sucks because I end up looking like the crazy psycho bitch thus leading to the whole concept of why I don't tell anyone anything.

work, work, work, work, and work some more....

My life seriously consists of nothingness. I feel like a zombie and very inactive although I have been working a whole heap of a lot during this lovely summer which I would like to voice out sucks ass fluid.

I'm just so bored. With everyone and everything. Just things don't impress me anymore. I just feel like I am not having fun.

Its funny because the beginning of work today everyone was in a pissy mood and somebody was like Jess your always happy and I was like yeah right, your mom1 One thing I must say I am a kickass actress then.

Speaking of work, some days I hate it somedays I don't. I saw Fernigully ( Haha I like that nickname ) today. Its quite sad that I have to act that way towards them now. I didn't have the chance to go fuck things up myself this time.... Someone did for me... damn Yenta! Damn you for ruin my life! I highly enjoy screwing up the non existent crushes/relationships that I have with boys myself.

Its quite harder now tho because I want to get really angry but a part of me knows that its pure innocence on everyone's part but a part of me just wants to bring havoc on everything and we just can't have this nowadays. I hate boys they should all be castrated.

I'm done raving and ranting. Tomorrow is another day to bitch!

JessRS

I'm in a destructable mood again.... I really want to act out and be all bitchy but I don't think it would be a good decision for everyone especially in the forum where I would like to perform these acts of bitchiness.

I want to tell everyone how much I think that they suck and how I am way more better than they could ever imagine to be. I want to tell them all that they are beneath me and are pointless in existence.

This is in me, this is my nature, this is me.... well at least until I calm down :).

So fucking bored lol.

I hate being in the hiatus state. This is where I get myself into the most trouble with myself and with others.

I hate just being here and still. I don't like being still. Everyone claims that I should always move faster and I swear to them that I am moving but apparently they don't see.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! I wanna go back to school and learn damn it. Let me learn.

Well a lot has happened this past year and I didn't reflect on it and I don't necessarily want to cuz I'm too impatient too. But I hope this year will be more interesting than the prior.

The exciting news is that we have progress and then we had a slight relapse. Yes I am referring to our good friend Steven. Yes, my shy love called me for Christmas or should I say answering machine.
It was a bit cheesy he just wished me a good one and he was hoping to stop by later that evening (...but you know and I know that it wouldn't have been him if he were too because that would be "too" realistic to happen ). But he sounded ok... a little like goofy, cheesy sounding like some guy from Laguna Beach or something ( i don't watch that show but $10 says he fits the fucking profile ). But I dunno I expected to sound like HOT not like cute u know. Like sexy. But I think he sounds like me but like a man sounding of me. Like how I always refer to myself sounding like Minnie Mouse on Prozak he is Mikey Mouse on Prozak. Alas, we are a perfect match.

New Year's eve was fun. I went out with my homies and did our thing, whatever that thing was. If consisted of sushi, bad driving ( mine in particularly ), hanging out one of our houses, drama of some sorts, and a diner... then that would be our thing :). Love my girls.

In academic news, I am pissed that my Pol Eco prof totally didn't recieve my paper and has given me an I because he ran out of Stony Brook like a bat out of hell. Whatever tho. He said he will look at it when he comes back. M'thanks.


Other than that... I really, really bored.

I am strong.

I have stood in the midst of evil and fought back silently.

You, the evil that you are, are weak.

You will fall when it is time. However, when you do I shall not pity you.

For me, I will embrace you. My embrace will only destroy your wall and lead you to your misery.

I shall not judge you like how you did on to me.

I shall not ignore you.

I will be there not out of spite but because you are lost and you need guidance.

Oh how much I love those who think I do not and it hurts for I have so much to give.

*+* JessRS *+*

I feel numb.

I am so disappointed right now I can't even verbalize.

Emptiness stings so much that it leaves no feeling.

Dear You:

I hate the way that I don't know how to read your behavior. I think you like me but I also think that I may be wrong. I want to believe that I am wrong. I didn't think much of you until I started thinking that you thought much of me. You distract me and normally I wouldn't find you to be distracting. I can't think unless I am thinking of you and it drives me nuts because there is no us. I would just like you to stop because before I started thinking this way I was focus. Now all I can think about is when your talking to me I hope you don't stop. When you talk to someone else I hope you do stop. I hate you because I don't know what to think of you.

JessRS

Dear Him:

I hate you sooo much. Thank you so much for messing up my life. Before you came around I didn't even care about things like this. It was the furtherest thing from my mind. I think you are a coward and you should really grow a back bone, you jerk. Thank you so much for wasting my time when there wasn't even a time to begin with.

I resent you,

JessRS

my new goal is to find a new job. but, i am quite torn because i like the people but i am being worked like a dead horse. totally being taken advantage of. no leadership people, none whatsoever.

anyways this weekend was "lovely" or had the intentions of being lovely. well friday night after my internship i went out to eat with gaddis and shana. originally we headed over to ciao, baby! but there was valley parking and we were going to park in the quizno's/cingular parking lot but shana was afraid of being towed and i wasn't up for that misadventure as well so we headed over to olive garden. we actually waited for a table for 50 not 1-5 but 5-0 mins. and the waitress was slooooooooooooow. but whatever it was some good grub.

saturday was homecoming. i saw nothing of the game or the activites. i thought i would be outside working in the tent but no. i was in the store and i was expected to clean everything when there was only three of us there. one person doing trade, one person on the register and one person ( me BY MYSELF ) on the floor, cleaning supposely everything. no i don't think so.

i was so pissed because i was going to volunteer for school and all but my boss said the they needed me to be outside on saturday for homecoming and i said ok. but little did i know that she going to have me just push the frickin cart full of shit to guam. no fuckin way. no way.

need a new job. i like the people and all. like we are really warming up to eachother but this is ridiculous.

tomorrow i swear i am going to buy my books for my policy class. i swear it.

desperate housewives in 3 hrs

screw it i will update a little now.

ok love school, hate work. miss ncc bookstore a whole lot. i am in the fifth dimension of hell right now at the new bookstore. it is evil and it needs an exocercism asap.

love, like really love my classes. two of the professors seem really dry but i can deal with it. sometimes i feel like mad dumb up in those classes. like sadly, honestly sadly lol, i have still have no idea from the difference between a surplus and a surplus product lol. like i thought i knew what is was, i explained myself and clarified it with an example, i was told i was correct and then i was told i was wrong and spreaded a virus of wrongness in my politcal economy class on thrus.

oh well.

umm tonight was stony brook vs. hofstra. 54-0 hofstra. it was a manslaughter. i feel bad leo. :( poor thing. oh well there are others.

fyi i think i might be dying from lung posioning too. the other day ( fri ) some can used for art exploded in the front register ( by the front register ) and inhaled the fumes for about a good solid 45 mins tops. i think i'm definately going to die. it shall be fun :)

anyways need an oil change and other jazz tomorrow

i am alive

*+* JessRS *+*

havent updated in a millenia and tonight won't really be the night but

 

FYI:

 

JessRS is now FACEBOOK friendly!!!!!

http://www.makepovertyhistory.org

I am quite bored. I think I need some friends lol. I tried calling them this weekend and no one picked up because they don't like me. Well not necessarily true but still, people have shit to do which is understandable. It really sucks now that when I can have some sort of a life no one wants to hang out with me lol. Like no one was that sensitive to when I couldn't hang out til a certain time or you know I couldn't get there because of no transportation. Oh well.

I still can't make my myspace "interesting". I honestly don't get it though. What I really want is my facebook account. But alas, I do not have a proper stony brook email account. Damn bastards won't give it to me yet :(. I have to wait until I get my orientation package in the mail like next week or something. Oh well. I just want to see what it looks like, thats it. I want to see what everyone and the uncle's are jizzing all over. lol. I said jizz.

I am sooo bored.

I am trying to decide what to do for my birthday. I am going to be 20 and I think I should do something worth whiled ( ?) and legal. Legality is always a factor. It would be nice if I had a boy to take me to a really nice restuaraunt but then again that would be wishful thinking because he is a jackass.

Like I was talking to my cousin today and I was saying that I was talking about Steven to my friend and she was just like you know sometimes it sounds like he doesn't really exist and I was like hmmm. But of course he does exist but it really does seem like he doesn't because I have never seen before but I sorta heard his voice before. Sort of. But he does. I am not making it up or anything. But my cousin was like you know it just takes time or whatever but he was like yeah he is a jackass. lol. thanks.

I always get the winners.

Oh well I guess I will call melissa and bug her and check up on ms. berman to see if she ok and all. And my goal tonight, sadly, is to watch the episode of Degrassi I missed and to watch Harold and Kumar in its entirity lol.

LOVES IT!

*+* JessRS *+*

So driving is fun.

I had no problems going to work on friday except for that they were doing construction in front of the bookstore and kinda blocked us all in the parking lot. Other than that it was ok. I went through my first drive thru and that wasn't fun. Like I was so far away from the windows lol. I don't have good judgement, I guess.

I went food shopping today. It was quite fun. I felt all grown uppie :). Putting the groceries in my trunk and all lol.

Umm what else, what else.

I spoke to Amanda and she reassured me that I wouldn't get hanged when I eventually go to visit her in Alambama lol. I am still hesitant but hey traveling and adventures are fun.

I can't wait for work on monday so I can drive there lol.

Driving is such a release.

and i forced giselle to make my myspace pretty.

www.myspace.com/punkiepwr2k

and do u know what really really pisses me off.... Short shit has a myspace but a "music" one and no offense but umm your music is sooo out dated dude. :) YOU SUCK :).

anyways night

*+* JessRS *+*

FYI its like my birthday in like a week or something like that... just thought u would want to umm care lol.
and ps. i was watching diary of Jesse McCartney and like I find him honestly quite boring but i still want to jump on him cuz I heart little boys JK lol. U know you want him too!

I have a car.

I have a car.

Two years or suffering, being restricted and other stuff is well appreciated and yet is so grateful for it to be over with but I shall never forget it. And I don't want to ride on the bus for a while but whatever I don't want to jinx myself.

I still have restrictions but all the restrictions i think are necessary. Like no people in the car now and driving late. Only to work and home as of now. Which is totally good because I am not fucking up anything now. No sir.

But I think tomorrow I am going to go and get my check from work. I do want to get my eyebrows done but I don't remember how to get there by myself :(

Oh well.

Night

*+* JessRS *+*